I’ve come to notice something about myself that I’m not really sure what to do with: I seem to have a fear of success. For example, I started writing this blog with the intent to share my thoughts and maybe help other people as they journey through life. After all we can all use some advice from time-to-time and if people could be helped by the example of my life, great! But as more and more people started to read the blog (even though most of them were family) and found the desire to write go down. This happens in other areas of my life as well. Why is that?

As I’ve pondered over this facet of my life I haven’t really reached an answer. Do I simply try to ignore the success so that I don’t fall into the rut of failure? Maybe it’s because I try to be a humble person and the idea of success seems to conflict with my humbleness? Even when it comes to games there are times that I feel horrible when I win because there is a part of me that thinks I don’t deserve to win. Why?

As I look at the biblical account I see other people who struggled with the idea of a lack of confidence. Perhaps the best example that comes to mind is that of the judge Barak. If you look at the account in Judges 4 we see that Barak was only willing to go if Deborah went with him. Talk about a lack of confidence! In those days women were not looked upon highly and so the idea of Barak requiring that Deborah go with him is very strange. But the Lord did indeed grant Barak victory over his enemy. Another example would be Gideon and the way he tested God with his fleece.

Perhaps it is a lack of faith that causes this sabotage whenever I’m faced with success. Whatever the cause though, I hate it. There are enough enemies out there in the world that I don’t need to be another one. And I’d rather face an external opponent than try to grapple with myself. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemies but thank Jesus that he has forgiven us of our sins! Some days, that’s all we can say.